Embracing Differences – Advocating for Acceptance

by Beth Bramstedt
photos by Angelique Hunter

Tara Arnett claims she’s known for telling it like it is, and she honestly admits that raising her 4-year-old daughter, Reagan, is more stressful these days than parenting Logan, her 7-year-old son with autism.

Tara, an appraisal analyst for Central Bank of Boone County, describes Reagan as a rough-and-tumble little girl. She’s one who enjoys playing with makeup, requires lots of attention, and has emotions that can turn on and off like a light switch.

“Yet Logan is so even-keeled and predictable,” she says. “He has adapted well to his world and I know what will make him uncomfortable.” Daily life with Logan proves manageable because of this temperament. The Arnetts’ worries about Logan are more long-term.

As Logan approached his second birthday, Brock and Tara noticed he wasn’t using many words, but it wasn’t until Reagan was born that they realized that something more was going on. “His symptoms didn’t scream at you,” Tara shares. “But when Reagan was born, there was no realization or care about his sister.”

It was at one of Reagan’s first wellness exams that their doctor noticed Logan’s inability to reciprocate attention and referred him to an audiologist and the Thompson Center for Autism and Neurodevelopmental Disorders, an MU-affiliated group that focuses on autism research, training, and service. Within six weeks, the family had a diagnosis. “It went really quick,” Tara says.

Five years later, Logan’s week includes eight hours of applied behavior analysis therapy at home, in addition to two hours of speech therapy and one hour of occupational therapy at the Thompson Center.

His weekdays are spent at Battle Elementary in a district-wide classroom of six to eight children with a similar diagnosis, or at after-school care at Precious Hearts Learning Center, a child care program in Columbia.

Tara is thrilled with the resources available in the Columbia area for children with autism, including the schools, the Thompson Center, and Boone County Family Resources. “Resources are not this accessible and affordable everywhere,” she says. Tara also credits Boone County’s generous funding structure for special needs programs with their family’s ability to access adaptive equipment, therapy, and even orthotics for Logan, which are not covered by their medical insurance.

The Arnetts are grateful to have these resources now, but Tara’s real worries involve what happens later, after Logan finishes school. Much of her hope lies in other people’s acceptance and advocacy for those with disabilities. “Kids and people benefit from relating to those who are different than them,” she says. “It helps so much when other people become the cheerleaders for kids with special needs.”

One such cheerleader in the Arnetts’ life is a college student named Ashley Stevens who helps with Logan’s ABA therapy each week. Rather than focusing on what Logan can’t do, she is excited to see Logan accomplish great things. In addition to providing therapy, she puts her organizational skills to work scheduling other therapists and assuring that Logan’s room and equipment are in order. “She keeps me sane!” Tara says.

The family is also grateful for the staff at Precious Hearts, who were not just willing, but enthusiastic to care for Logan during the summer and after school. Tara sees the center as an example of the difference than an accepting and accommodating atmosphere can make for a child with autism. “It’s a different attitude, and that gives me hope,” Tara says.

What’s next for Logan?

Logan doesn’t have the big milestones, like learning to ride a bike, so the family celebrates little things, like learning to write his first name. “Even though it was small,” Tara says, “it was like winning a huge battle for us.” Logan is also in his fourth year of swim lessons and close to being an independent swimmer, something he is eager to accomplish.

“Growth comes in spurts,” Tara shares. “We won’t see anything for several weeks, and then we’ll have an explosion.” Right now, Logan is getting better at following directions and listening. Tara also notices a difference in the relationship between Logan and Reagan. “She’s starting to look for attention from him,” she explains, “and he’s a little more willing.”

A moment at a recent family gathering made Tara smile. She looked outside the window and saw her nephew patiently showing Logan how to throw a ball and pet the dog. “He often wants to interact, but he doesn’t know how to put himself in a group or social situation,” she says. In this case, he just needed a little help.

 “We’re happy. We live a good life,” Tara says. “We still celebrate the victories and struggle with the challenges. Ours are just different than most.”