Starting today, what is one thing you could do to grow older and better?
It is not the kind of question you answer on the way to something else, but a real one — one that asks what you would do if you stopped letting age feel like a reason to slow down.
I have been asking it myself — at 55, living in Columbia. I use a wheelchair thanks to MS and have said “someday” more than I care to admit. Someday I will reconnect with that person. Someday I will try that thing. Someday, when the timing is better, or I have more energy, or I feel less behind.
Sound familiar?
We do not get to choose whether we grow older. If we are lucky, we just keep doing it. But getting better — that part is up to us. It does not happen automatically. It requires something.
What I keep finding is that the something is almost always other people.
An area I have been especially intentional about is relationships. COVID did what COVID did, and I let far too many friendships just … drift. Years went by. People I genuinely cared about became people I only thought about. That is on me, not COVID.
Over the last several months, I have started rebuilding. I host “90 Minutes with People I Like” — low-key happy hours at Barred Owl and other good spots, with old friends and new, drinks and a few apps, no agenda and absolutely no politics. My wife, Leigh, and I also do small brunches at our house every six weeks-ish, with a handful of people we want to know better. It turns out that is all community requires: a little intention and a date on the calendar.
I also signed up with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Missouri. There is something about spending time with a kid who has not yet decided what the world owes him. More than 70 “Littles” in this community are waiting for a “Big.” It takes just a few hours a month. If you are wondering what’s one thing you could do, maybe that’s an answer?
Beyond revisiting and rebuilding relationships, I have been saying yes a lot, trying a lot. My friend Ellis Benus and I created Our Christian Stories, a traveling event where people share their faith journeys. I write a column for the Columbia Missourian called “Most Interesting People,” where I have dinner with fascinating Columbians and ask them anything. Recently that meant a long, slow meal at Sycamore with Nobel laureate George Smith and public health leader Margie Sabel. Yummy food tends to help relax any of us into honesty.
And then there is the big adventure I have been quietly planning. In 2031, I will road trip to the best restaurant in every state plus D.C. — 51 meals in one long trip, with whatever wonderful detours appear along the way. What I’m doing right now might even be the best part: researching, dreaming, connecting with people who love food and place and road.
None of these things requires (or even allows) perfect timing. None of them required me to be younger, or faster, or further along. They just required deciding.
That is what this column is about. Growing older and better is not a solo project, and it is not something that happens while you wait. It is assembled, slowly, from small and intentional choices, made by someone who keeps showing up.
Every month we will consider something worth thinking about: a question, a story, something that happened when someone stopped waiting. Sometimes that something will be practical. Sometimes it will just be a reminder that the people around us are doing remarkable things.
Starting today — not someday, not when the circumstances improve, or the kids are grown, or the calendar finally clears — what is one thing YOU could do to grow older and better?
You do not need a plan. You do not need to have everything figured out. You just need to pick one thing.
Let’s do it together.
