The Holiday Blues

How to handle all the feelings during holiday season.

Perhaps pop singer Andy Williams said (or sang?) it best when he belted out, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” in his hit 1963 Christmas song. We’re all familiar with this classic tune and the warm, fuzzy imagery it evokes of “parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting, and caroling out in the snow.” And who could forget that touching line about hearts glowing when loved ones are near? It seems to capture the essence of the holidays perfectly.

However, not everyone shares those sentiments.

Kelly Jackson, a Columbia-based Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and therapist with decades of experience, has continually observed an increase in anxiety, depression, and loneliness among individuals during the holiday season.

“There are loads of expectations during the Christmas holiday,” Jackson explained. “It can be expectations related to, ‘I have to get this gift or that gift,’ ‘My house has to look exactly like this,’ or ‘I have to decorate like my neighbors.’”

With the rise of social media and the phenomenon of FOMO — the fear of missing out — it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by endless posts showcasing gift hauls, trendy decor, and extravagantly planned meals. Those high expectations can understandably lead to anxiety, and when those expectations aren’t met, it can trigger feelings of depression.

In addition to anxiety and depression, many experience loneliness during the holidays, whether due to physical distance from loved ones, the absence of family, or strained relationships. 

Stay Mindful and Grounded

For those struggling with holiday expectations, Jackson advises setting achievable, meaningful goals.

“[Start by reflecting on] what you can and can’t control, what is and what isn’t important, and prioritize those for yourself,” she said. “If you can just focus on being in the moment instead of rushing ahead, that can also help.”

For some, staying in the moment may require grounding techniques, such as:

Taking a walk.

Rubbing your bare feet on the floor.

Holding an ice cube in your hands.

Limiting social media activity.

Set Boundaries

Because the holidays are strongly associated with family, there’s often an expectation to spend time together, even if it’s challenging.

In these situations, establishing boundaries is crucial, Jackson said. Certain topics — like religion, questions about when you’re having kids, or politics — might be best avoided. Before gathering, let your family know which subjects you’d like to keep off the table to keep the focus on family time. You can also set the expectation that if these topics come up, you may step out of the room. If you’re attending with a spouse, partner, or friend, consider using a code word to signal when you need a moment to step away.

You may also need to set limits on how much time you’re able to spend with your family. For in

stance, you could say, “Instead of coming for the whole weekend, I can join you for a meal, and we can do a video call on Christmas Day,” or “I’ll be able to stay for a few hours on Christmas Eve, but I’ll need to head home afterward to unwind.”

Celebrate with Friends or the Community

If you don’t have family to spend the holidays with, organizing a “Friendsgiving” or “Friendsmas” can be an excellent way to combat loneliness, build a support system, and support mental well-being. Beyond your personal circle, there are a number of community resources you can connect with during the holidays.

“There are usually places in the community offering holiday meals, whether it’s a church or other gathering space,” Jackson noted.

In Columbia, Powerhouse Community Development Corporation’s “A Time to Give Thanks” program invites the community to enjoy a free hot meal on Thanksgiving. Additionally, St. Luke United Methodist Church has hosted a Christmas Day dinner for nearly fifteen years, welcoming all to share in the holiday spirit.

Resources:

Burrell Behavioral Health Rapid Access Unit

Walk-in at 1805 E. Walnut, Columbia, Missouri 65201

NAMI National Warmline Directory

Daniel Boone Regional Library’s Mental Health Guide