Planning for Their Future 

How to have the ‘what if?’ conversation with your aging parents.

Planning for the future can be an exciting venture. Talking about dreams and hopes for the future is something that can bring happiness to most conversations. The delight a family feels planning for a baby, moving into a new home with your new spouse, bringing home a new puppy — all these experiences can elicit great joy.  

But there are conversations about the future that can induce fear and frustration, leading many to veer away from those topics. One such topic — senior living and financial planning — covers an array of subjects, as well as emotions. Planning for the unexpected can be difficult to discuss, however, it is essential to lessening stress and heartache down the road. 

“Prior proper planning prevents poor performance,” said Jo Mooney, the relationship manager at Eagle Bluffs Wealth Management in south Columbia. Mooney stresses the importance of planning now to avoid being blindsided later as health and daily needs may rapidly change. 

Mooney is passionate about helping families navigate the conversations around senior living, specifically when it comes to financial planning. Few people really want to have a conversation with their aging parents or relatives about plans for their future, however, the sooner you can have those tough conversations, the better. 

“Communication up front is key” before you might not be able to have those talks, Mooney explained. The unexpected can happen at any time, and communicating while your parents are still cognitively aware will help lessen chaos and stress down the line. 

While that talk-now approach isn’t meant to bring about a feeling of doom, it can certainly help your peace of mind in the future. Beginning the conversation can be one of the most difficult aspects. How do you ask your parents what they have and where they want to go without intruding on their lives? 

Something that Mooney recommends is starting the process with your own family and approaching the conversation as, “Hey, I’m doing this with my family, would you be willing to let me do that with you?” Mooney encourages her clients to “hope for the best and have planning in place in case it doesn’t go in the right direction.”  

Some helpful questions to ask your parents are: What are your wishes? What do you want? Do you want to live at home or have caretakers come into the home? What do you want to happen to you? 

There are times when adult children don’t know about the assets their parents have, or if they are titled correctly. Do the parents have what they need financially for what they want? If they want to stay at home as they age, also referred to as “aging in place,” and might need assistance, have they planned financially for that? 

Mooney also expressed the importance of having conversations with aging loved ones about their financial situation. Mooney has found that many times, the aging parents do not have their assets titled correctly or their funds invested in the most effective way. There are many things that we might not think of knowing about our aging parents, such as personal property tax receipts, doctors’ information, neighbors, or any assets or information about the home. Mooney and her team help families develop an “estate box” or a “next of kin box” that helps identify everything their parents have. She stressed that those steps are not meant to intrude on the lives of their aging parents, but to help them in case there is a need for that in the future.

Kate Morrow, the creative director of COMO Magazine, recently faced tough decisions with her husband and mother-in-law. There was not a clear plan set in place for her aging mother-in-law. When they were met with the decision about what to do for her mother-in-law, there was a lot of confusion about their options. That sparked Morrow to start having those conversations with her own parents and to start planning for her and her husband in order to mitigate the stressors that her kids may face when it comes time to consider senior living and financial options. 

Morrow said it would be helpful if there was a guidebook for decoding all of the terminology when it comes to senior care. Thankfully, there are services available to help guide discussions and educate parents and their adult children on the topic of aging.  

Rebecca Nowlin, CEO of Aging Best, also expressed the importance of having a plan for aging or a plan for the “what ifs.” Aging Best offers a variety of resources including counseling and assistance with guidance for advanced care planning either to help your parents as they are getting older or for yourself. It’s good to start thinking about the possibility of failing health. Who would you want to take care of you? If you had a terminal illness, would you want to be at home or in a long term care facility? There are various considerations and scenarios that are important to discuss.  

Aging Best, formerly known as Central Missouri Area Agency on Aging, covers nineteen counties in central and south Missouri. Aging Best plans, coordinates, and provides services for people who are aging, as well as their caregivers. Nowlin said that Aging Best has the mission “to service those people who are in the greatest social and economic need.” Examples of that statement include individuals living below the poverty level, minorities, the LGBTQ community, and individuals with disabilities. Those are the priority service areas, but not the only service areas. 

Aging Best also provides unbiased information for people who need to know where they can go for different services in regard to aging loved ones. If the agency is unable to provide the services, the staff can help make connections with organizations that do provide the services. 

Aging  Best also provides classes, training, and education on different topics about aging, such as “Keep Your Keys,” which is a partnership with Mizzou to help people determine if it is safe for their aging parents to keep driving. Aging Best also provides counseling and assistance for guidance with advanced care planning, as well as a program called “Five Wishes” to give structure to conversations to have with your parents about aging. 

Thinking of planning for the future of aging can seem overwhelming and complicated, however, it doesn’t have to be with the host of resources available in the Columbia area. The resources can help you navigate difficult conversations with more guidance and assistance. Planning ahead doesn’t have to be a conversation of doom and dread. It can be empowering.