It’s not what you say but when

C has been really funny all her life. It’s a great blessing to me and to those who have had the joy of knowning her. But there’s always a yin to the yang. Yes, she’s really funny, but there are times where that humor leaves me asking questions. And that’s why it’s so important to always listen to kids, even when you don’t think there’s anything to it.

This weekend, C and I were riding along in the car with a friend of mine, Teresa. Out of the blue, C says “Hey dad! My crotch hurts!” and begins laughing maniacally. This caused Teresa to laugh because, apparently, my face was somewhere between confusion, trying not to laugh and bitter beer face. But my mind was much more.

There are a lot of reasons that could cause her to say such a thing. Talking to her, I realized she really was just trying to be funny. She’d only been at preschool, her mom’s house and at my house. I wasn’t worried about the extremes, but they do ramble around in my empty little head when the child blurts something of this nature out.

We had a talk as to why that’s probably not the best thing to say, even to parents. She’s smart enough to understand and when we talked about it, she got a real hangdog look as if I was mad. I wasn’t by any stretch because it was really funny, but it also made me realize just how important language is.

We never teach kids how to talk. We just start helping them learn what to say once they figure out how to actually do it. And then we spend the rest of our time telling them what not to say. That’s not really fair. That’s for them to figure out. No, I don’t want my daughter cursing a blue streak just because her father learned it from his father, but I also have never restricted C from hearing it in small doses. We love listening to Monty Python’s “Always look on the Bright Side of Life,” and there’s a pretty blatant use of the “S” word.

I want C to have the fullest vocabulary possible. I’ve always been quick to correct her grammar because it doesn’t matter what you say if you can’t say it right. But this weekend reminded me that not only do I need to teacher what to say but when to say it. I have to teach her what not to say as well, but I’m not going to restrict her from having the best vocabulary she can.

I always tell her, “Don’t be lazy with your words.” Don’t say something if you don’t mean it and never be afraid to say what you feel needs to be said. But in the end, knowing how and what to say won’t mean much if you don’t know when to say it. If I can teach her that (especially since I still struggle with it), she’ll be ahead of the game for the rest of her life.